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10 Plumbing Expressions That Don’t Mean What You Think

Toilet.  Is there a sexier word out there?  I submit there is not.  There’s a reason why so many porno plots begin with a scantily clad, heavily make-upped, high-heeled damsel in distress, opening her front door to reveal every woman’s ultimate fantasy: the plumber.  Wearing nothing but his work boots and a tool belt, he takes her breath away as he heroically declares, “I’m hear to plunge your toilet.”

This could mean many, many things.  But it could also mean that he’s there to actually plunge her toilet.  Truth be told, Plumbing rivals Italian, French and Spanish when it comes to sexy languages.  In fact the next time a plumber is on his knees in your bathroom and up to his elbows in toilet water, carefully place your ear next to that  dark  beautiful crack above his jeans and what you will hear can only be described as the poetry of angels.  The following are terms and expressions from the plumber’s dictionary which will make your heart beat faster and your pants get tighter….which is extremely disgusting, because they have nothing to do with what your twisted, in-the-gutter brain has conjured up.  You should be ashamed of yourself.

Sweating the pipe

Sweating the pipe is when you solder two pipe fittings together, so that water cannot leak out.

Wiggling the Snake

Also known as a “toilet jack,” a “closet auger” or an “electric eel,” the plumbing snake is a flexible auger used to unclog toilets that are beyond the help of a plunger.  It takes practice to learn how to wiggle it correctly.

Clamping the nipple

A nipple is a short piece of pipe, usually with male threading at both ends, and is used for attaching two different couplings or fittings.  Using a nipple wrench, you can clamp the nipple from the inside so that when you unscrew it from the attached fittings you won’t damage the threads.  I think my pipe just moved.

Snap-on cockhole cover

A cockhole cover is a round plate, used to cover unused faucet holes in your sink.

Inserting the male hose into the female fitting

Also referred to as “mating”.  In the world of plumbing, whether it’s a pipe, a hose or a fitting, anything with threading on the outside is considered male.  To be female is to wear your threading on the inside.  Male parts can only screw into female ones.

“I’ve been a screw my whole life but my real passion is writing”

Hardness leakage

Calcium and magnesium are the two minerals which make cause water hardness, and which produce a hard scale in piping, water heaters, steam irons, and pots and pans.  When hard water is passed through a bed of ion exchanger, the positively charged calcium and magnesium ions are replaced with sodium, and the water becomes softer.  Leftover traces of hardness in the mineral bed is known as hardness leakage.

Hitting the head

Not so much a plumbing term per say, but it still confused me the first time I heard someone say “I’m off to hit the head.”  I pictured a madman backhanding his junk, in some sort of weird disciplinary ritual where he’s yelling “Bad head! Bad head!”

Elongating the pipe

A short length of pipe installed between couplings or other fittings

Discharge head

Not the baby-making juice for dyslexics, discharge head is the difference in elevation between the liquid level of the discharge tank and the centerline of the pump. Also includes any additional pressure head that may be present at the discharge tank fluid surface.  Okay this one was a bit of a stretch, but we needed 10, and it had “discharge” and “head.”

Screwing the ballcock

The ballcock is the mechanism in your toilet tank that keeps the water levels normal and prevents overflowing.  When you flush the handle it pulls a chain which is attached to a valve, allowing water to drain.

Of course if you look up the word “plumbing” in the Urban Dictionary, you’ll discover that it means much more than just, plumbing!

10 Plumbing Expressions That Don’t Mean What You Think8.0103

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