June 18, 2010

Boob Jobs: The Bad and The Ugly

Honkers, knockers, bouncing Buddhas, lung protectors, frost detectors, boobies, boobs, jugs… Yes, there are a panoply of endearing (and crude) terms for these spectacular bumps we call breasts. And, with all the focus and attention we put on them, it is no wonder so many women feel the need to improve and enhance their bust area surgically. Every day, almost a thousand women in the United States surgically boost their breast size. That makes breast augmentation THE most popular cosmetic-surgery procedure in the country. The results however, don’t always go as planned. A wise man (also known as my co-worker Dan) once said: “The best boob jobs are the ones that don’t look like boob jobs”. The following pictures are the antithesis of that statement.

Tori Spelling


“Tit Cup”

Victoria Beckham

“Coconut Tits”

Pamela Anderson

“Rumple Ripple Skin”

Courtney Love

“Lopsidia”

Jewel

“Nutty Putty”

Paula Abdul

“Tit Hole”

Donatella Versace

“Leather Balls”

Heather Mills

“Melting Tat”

Jenna Jameson

“Cockeyed Mammillas”

Tara Reid

“Saggy Potato Sacs”

Kelly Bensimon

“Divorced Titties”

Audrina Patridge

“Cock Inserts”

Gollum’s Sister

“Aged Ano Lumps”

Too Big, Too Nasty…

Many pornstars will enhance their bust to the size of exercise balls however this procedure poses some potential perils such asĀ  rippling, greater risk of capsular contracture, and higher incidence of breast implant rupture. Here are a few examples of bosoms that are so big it hurts to look.

Lola Ferrari

WTF Lady?

The American Dream?


Someone please get this woman medical alert systems for those two ginormous accidents-waiting-to-happen!

Busty Maxi

Maxi Mounds broke the world record for largest breasts after having a surgery which encouraged her breasts to grow bigger. The porn actress grabbed the title for the largest artificial boobs in the world in 2005, when they grew to a staggering 36MMM. The operation called polyproplyene string technique has actually beenĀ  banned since then over safety fears. Maxi’s mounds look like they will be the undisputed world’s largest breasts for a while.

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