Stupid Shit The Kids Of Today Are Doing
Posted by Mary at 9:12 am When our parents’ generation was smoking dope, eating magic mushrooms, and tripping balls on acid, they were just being a bunch of crazy kids. Kids today are another story. Kids today are saying: “Pffft… Screw Acid. I’m going to pour vodka straight into my eyeball!” Instead of puffing doobies, or even huffing glue, kids today are digging their little hands into the toilet bowl and getting high off their own poop. I am alarmed by the recreational activities of our “children of tomorrow,” these are our future doctors and lawyers and candlestick makers for god’s sake! Here is a list of some of the exceptionally stupid shit the kids of today are doing. I have no doubt the comment section will also provide some even more obscure teen crazes.
Jenkem
(image: source)
“Pass the butt-hash man, it’s the shit!” Literally. For a “powerful high”, you don’t need a drug dealer. You’ve got the good stuff right inside, just waiting to pass through your digestive system and right out your brown hole. Inhaling fermented feces and urine (a.k.a. Jenkem) is the third most popular drug (the first being pot “Dagga”, the second glue) among Zambian street kids, who use the city’s sewage ponds to brew the drug.
They have been doing it since the mid 90’s but until 2007 there was little Western awareness about the drug, aside for some rumours on Internet forums. What really detonated the Jenkem bomb on America, was a report issued by the Collier County Sheriff’s Office in Naples, Fla. which alarmingly stated: “Jenkem is now a popular drug in American Schools”.
Causing widespread concern that American children were conserving their brown gold and inhaling its pungent fumes, it turns out the Sheriff’s deputies knew of no confirmed instances of Jenkem-use in their jurisdiction. When a news reporter questioned several students at a local high school, they had never even heard of the substance, let alone tried it.
The author of the Collier County Sheriff’s bulletin had mistakenly based his report on faulty Internet sources. One them being the Encyclopedia Dramatica, a humour website with articles that parody encyclopedic entries but don’t necessarily give accurate information The photos he was using as evidence were from a message board posting that was later admitted to be hoax.
Vodka EyeBalling
If drinking alcohol seems too tedious and time-consuming, a waste of precious slosh-time, vodka eyeballing advocates (stupid kids) claim that pouring vodka in your eye will make you drunk faster. According to their logic, vodka will pass through the mucous membrane of the eye and enter the bloodstream, directly through the veins in your eyes. Thankfully, medical experts aren’t buying the fast drunk theory.
“The person pouring vodka into their eye would actually experience inflammation of the eye and clotting of eye blood vessels because the eye does not have any lining.” Robert Stutman, president of the Maryland Optometric Association, says “eyeballing can be very damaging to the eyes. Vodka is 40 to 50 percent alcohol and can burn and scar the cornea.”
The fad seems to have originated in the U.K., with hundreds of online videos showing teens pouring vodka directly into their eyes straight from the bottle.
Starfish
Apparently, some Polish teens are engaging in “Starfish” gang bangs. 5-10 girls position themselves into a starfish. Guys go around inserting their shlongs into each girl like an ATM machine. The last guy to cum wins. Everyone wins a little something though. A little something called an STD.
Punching Each Other in the Face. For Fun
You’re not in Fight Club morons!
Fence Plowing
A popular teen craze, with many reported cases occurring in Long Island, is fence plowing. As the name suggests, you pick a fence, typically a wooden one, and run towards it with all your might. You make like a human missile, launch your body through the wood and hopefully manage to break it. It hurts you. Everyone laughs. You’re the man.
Garage Jumping
A few years ago teenagers in Orlando, Fla., were leaping between 80-foot high public parking garages as part of a new teen trend called “garage jumping”. Tim Bargfrede was one kid who didn’t quite make it. He injured himself badly, along with about five other kids.
Vodka-Soaked Tampons
(image: source)
Yet another method of “getting drunk fast” is through a vodka-soaked tampon. Women soak their tampons in vodka and then insert them into their vagina. Men can also take part in the action, by inserting the fire water directly into their rectum.
Anal Beer Bongs
(image: source)
Instead of placing the beer bong in their mouth, teens have found sticking it up their anus much more exhilarating.
Getting Elf Ears
(image: source)
What are you supposed to do with a kid that surgically sculpts their ears to look like Galadriel?
Sack Tapping
A painful game played among young males, they find creative ways to punch, kick and slap each other in the groin area. An msnbc.com poll of 100 urologists, conducted by Truth On Call, showed that 30 percent of the doctors had seen or treated pre-teen and teen boys for testicular trauma in the past year, including severe injuries caused by so-called “sack-tapping”.
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I wrote an article on the eyeballing vodka. BTW kids are also snorting it too. These kids today are crazy. I did some foolish stuff in my day…what teen doesn’t, but these kids have carried childhood foolishness to an entirely different and far more dangerous level.
I have to add that I think there is nothing wrong with the last item. If idiots want to slam each other in the groin, thus eventually damaging their ability to reproduce… where is the downside? It is just one more way that we can see the process of natural selection in action.
I heard kids fuck each other these days and listen to music
meh I’m calling biased on this due to the fact your an old fag.
My Gosh! this is insane. I worry about the one’s who surgically sculpts their ears to look like Galadriel. Can’t be undone later.. right?
Looks pretty sweet and cool
btw along with the starfish game theres a even weirder game where five guys have to masturbait onto a peice of bread or cookie and the last one to cum on the cookie has to eat the cookie this is also done while somesort of annoying sound is played in the backround most of the time screech from saved by the bell this is called the cookie game
Is it just me or does it seem like someone did nothing crazy or fun with there teenage years and is now taking it out on the next generation of teens. This just sounds like a bitter old man/woman full of regret.
LOL! I know the girl with elf ears. Totally just randomly stumbled across this page! BTW, her ears are fuckin awesome!
I’m not defending the ignorant actions of today’s youth, but just as this is all extremely unacceptable, I’m sure what their parents were doing was perceived as extremely unacceptable by their parents’ parents.
& I’m sure tomorrow’s teens will have concocted even more radical techniques in decreasing one’s sobriety.
Teenagers will always act retarded.
What were you like from 13 to 19?
These are sorry examples of youth misbehaving. I suggest you stick a tampon in your own ass, leave it there, and see if you get TSS.
P.S. Always remember that the baby boomers are shitty people. We are going to be fucked by them our whole lives, fuck them. Many apologizes for cursing.
your “cookie” game is called limp biscuit, and no, no one really does it, its a joke.
in the end all they sold us was boredom
Every generation for at least 150 years has had to find styles in hair. clothes, music and stupidity that were guaranteed to shock their parents. Naturally, it has to be continually more extreme. So you wonder what these idiot’s children will do? That is, if any of them live long enough to reproduce.
I’ve gotta try jenkem
People on here are like “Oh you must have not had fun when you were a teenager. Kids will be kids.” Well I did have fun when I was young. Went to parties, met girls etc.
What I DIDN’T do was snort shit, shoved vodka tampons up my ass, poured vodka in my eye, jump off a garage or let any of my friends kick me in the balls.
If you think that’s fun, you’re fucking stupid. I don’t care how old you are. Go kill yourself.
I think you should mention that the amount of people who do these things is very small. So small to the point that there are more people in America who have killed someone than kids who have tried anything on his list. I would also like to point out you pot smoking hippies of yesteryear who have NO right to judge kids for doing ANYTHING with your drug using free sexing having self’s. I believe kids today are by far the best behaved of all generations past by what I have been told, lived through, and have read about.
I’m going to be really honest here. I haven’t heard about the ANY of these things and it’s not like I’ve been shielded from the world. I’m almost out of my teen years (I’m 19) and I’ve done some stupid shit, but nearly everything above is disgusting and borderline insane. You hear about guys racking each other. I’ve never heard it called sack tapping, and have never ever seen it as a “game”. I don’t know of a single girl that would shove a vodka soaked tampon up their vagina or a single guy that would put it through the back door. I also don’t know any girls who would lay down next to 4 others and let a guy play starfish. Maybe that’s because it doesn’t really happen?
@ Katie
I KNOW at least some of this stuff happens. I’ve heard of Jenkem but only in passing. One day i was sitting on the back of the city bus and there were a bunch of kids SNORTING VODKA! Crazy little fukers! So I wouldnt be surprised about the eye shots. I posted this to my FB and and friend came back and said “Apparently you can soak a tampon in vodka and stuff it up your butt, if the eyeball thing is too extreme for you.” several seconds later he says “Oops, apparently that’s in the list already because I didn’t finish reading the damn thing. ” So this stuff IS out there. It DOES happen. Kids will be kids!
^^^ key word being apparently… its a joke, people don’t shove tampons in there twats and arses, eye-balling is most likely on this list because of the film Kevin and Perry go large, (eyeball Paul shots some vodka through his eye), anal beer bongs is from jack ass, Jenkem from dirty Sanchez get high. Sack tapping is just the classic art of hitting someone in the balls when they least expect it. its not something all the kids do, or even a small percentage of kids do, I’m sure equally stupid shit also Wasn’t being done 20 years ago
@Vodka Eyeballing! – you sick mofo!
jenkem is fake (faux new reported it in their fear mongering fashion, it’s really a hoax)
starfish isn’t new, just a new name for orgy games
eyeballing and vodka tampons are two very different things
one works, the other makes you go blind
the elf ears are a pretty sweet body mod
and you’re a crotchety old fuck
get over yourself, you’re just sad that you never came up with anything original when you were young
I guess choking yourself while high on acid isn’t cool anymore. By the way its a f@ckin trip.
Epic fail for not doing enough research to know jenkem is a troll.
yeah but nobody actually does half of these stupid things. jenkhem was an internet rumor, and the starfish game is just a joke that nobody actually does, just like biscuit, nobody puts anything in their assholes except ecstacy, the tampon one probably isn’t true, it still isn’t “cool” to get elf ears, and the fence/garage/”sac-tapping” “games” aren’t actually established things, they’re just people fucking around
i like the article for the most part, it’s very imformative.
but a lot of these aren’t things everyone is doing. in fact, no one i know has ever even heard of most of these. this article seems to be a way to just say “Kids these days, amirite?!” i’m sure people in the author’s age group might agree with him, but most everyone else will look at this and think youse trollin.
This is an incredibly bad article. This is not what every teen is doing these days to get high. These are THE rarest things and mostly only happen in the ONE example you give. For example, like our parents’ generation, most kids I know dont huff shit. In fact, most of them just smoke pot, ingest alcohol (orally), and drop acid. I do not know ONE person who has done any of that shit. I have however heard of the tampon one.
i also call biased. most of these aren’t “fads” it’s a couple dumb people doing dumb things. This crap has probably always happened, the internet just makes it more visible. Also, the elf ears thing shouldn’t even be on here, most of the people i’ve met who had it done are quite a bit older than me, usually in their 30s. It’s just another form of body modification and by the time you awesome old people die it will as accepted as pierced ears on girls.
I huffed gas and brake cleaner as a kid. Now I make BHO or THC oil with butane (google this, Tommy Lee almost died making a batch) The point is lots of dangerous shit gets you high. Truth is, half the fun of any great high is the scary “am I gonna make it” part.
The best thing about today’s teens,is blow jobs.These young girls have no hang ups about giving head.They don’t even consider it as having sex.Ya gotta love them,hell try getting some head from a baby boomer chick.It’s like they have a penis-a-phobia.It ain’t happnin.
Elf ears are sexy,on a cute lil chick.Besides,it gives you a better grip while getting some Elfhead.
Apart from a few little groups of morons, people don’t actually do this stuff. Every generation of parents craps themselves about what the kids are doing and it’s never been anything to worry about. People who have teenage kids nowadays probably have parents who worried about punk or heavy metal, and their parents worried about hippies. People thought Black Sabbath were devil worshippers and that Alice Cooper tore up live chickens on stage- and that stuff was based on inaccurate rumours and exaggeration, just like this article.
Yes, what will these kids do when their kid’s are eating the dog’s feces? Thank God 2012 is near…haha. This is not generational, it is a collapse of familial integrity caused by capitalism.
no average teen does any of the shit on this list, especially butt meth. maybe sac taps but only fucking retards who boof vodka actually take it to the extent in the video
I dont think these are gonna be the new medics, lawyers and shit you said, not even close.
SIGH
Yet another internet article eating up the shit (literally) that is jenkem. I hate to ruin the delightful joke but Jenkem is simply trolling at its best. Thats right, its made up. It was started by some trollers on totse.com who tried to get a kid to do it using the infamous picture of the balloon on top of the shit bottle. Jenkem does not get you high, jenkem is not real. And no it hasn’t been around since the 90’s its been around since whenever a clever group of internet goons decided to make it up. It used to be funny but god damn if I’ll see another “factual” report on what kids are doing these days.
i really like the elf ear…the rest i have never heard of anyone doing…though im sure it happens in really rough areas. and, although i like the elf it, at the end of the day its body modification, and not many people do it. scarification isnt done to the average office worker, its done to the minority fashions, who like it. its like tattos, when they first appeared it was rebellious to have one. now, lots of people do, its normal. same with piercings…at the end of the day body modification will probably be normal by the time our grand children grow up….the rest of the stuff…well, those people wont be able to reproduce and have grand children, so nothing to worry about there
this article is dumb lol… u take a couple pics and videos of kids doing stupid shit n assume everyones doing it. great job lol
I agree that IF this stuff happens it’s incredibly stupid and demeaning. But elf ears? Come on. That’s no different than a tattoo or even earrings. It’s maybe a bit obsessive, but that is nowhere near as dangerous or disgusting as the other crap.
Really? Elf ears. That’s actually somewhat cool. I wouldn’t do that, but it’s cool. Nothing like the other stuff on this list.
Hey now before you start juging all us kids me and the rest of my freinds between ages 16 and 21 like to do it old school, smoke a lot of pot and do mushrooms and acid man, and of course fuck andlisten to music. Im currently doing three of those so just because half of those kids are fucking idiots dont generalize my whole generation man.
I hate it when people use the phrase “kids these days”. I’m apart of that grouping and not ONCE have I done or even thought of doing any of the stupid shit mentioned above.
You would probably get alcohol poisoning if you shoved a tampon full of vodka up your ass. Or you’d die. Your ass would absorbed that shit so much faster than if you just drank it.
“I am alarmed by the recreational activities of our “children of tomorrow,” these are our future doctors and lawyers and candlestick makers for god’s sake!”
If Mary, the author of this article, seriously believes this, I feel more sorry for her than I do for the people in these videos. I am part if this generation that you speak of, and I do none of these things (Though I see nothing wrong with the elf ears and I think it would be pretty cool actually). The fact is, the people who participate in these activities (excluding elf ears) are the people who aren’t going to amount to anything. The future doctors and lawyers are NOT doing these things. In fact, the large majority of my generation is not. That’s the problem with the older generations of our country. You constantly look down on the youth and single out a few of the idiots, labeling the rest of us the same way. Maybe you people would understand this if there wasn’t such a disconnect between the youth and the older generations, but it’s a perpetual disconnect that is caused by the older generations assuming that since they are older they not only deserve our respect and admiration, but that they are more intelligent. In case you forgot, it’s your generations that are keeping the harmless drugs outlawed, so some people have to resort to huffing their own feces and urine or coming up with things like “Vodka Eyeballing” because they’re afraid of the ten plus years they may be sentenced to if caught with a small amount of a harmless drug such as marijuana.
Maybe you people should think about this before you post ignorant comments like “I can’t believe the youth of today,” and “Why are teenagers so stupid?”
hey old people, YOU did similar shit when you where young or people did at the same age. The difference is that now we have the internet so everyone knows about it.
I’m not sure what the ‘elf ears’ entry is doing on this list. The others are potentially fatal or permanently damaging. Modifying the shape of the ears is less dangerous than many other forms of plastic surgery. A face lift has far more potential to permanently damage nerves, and a greater risk of infection. The earlobe is little more than a sound reflector, and modifying its shape has little or no effect on hearing or balance, functions of the middle and inner ear.
Sure, it’s a little more unusual than ear piercing or tattoos, but it’s relatively harmless. Comparing it to huffing fermented feces, running headlong through a fence, or leaping across parking garage roofs several stories up, is ridiculous.
You do know there’s a difference between “stupid” and “things you don’t see the point of,” don’t you?
Good god your stupid Jenkem isn’t even real people in africa are poor not retarded you racist, try doing a little research next time: http://www.snopes.com/crime/warnings/jenkem.asp
I really only think the kids of tomorrow seem so much more radical is because of global networking and the internet. I’m sure the insane 2% of the worlds youth always were doing stupid shit it’s just that now you can watch a youtube video of them
As a young adult, I believe these actions are extreme cases. Don’t worry, the smarter kids are still eating shrooms, snorting lines, and popping acid. These kids are just not the brightest bulb in the batch. In all seriousness taking four shots in a row of vodka is an easier and a less painful way to get drunk. These people are just retarded. And I believe that during the 1970’s fifteen year old teenagers were running away from home and hopping in random cars to head to oregon so they can sit and trip on acid for months at a time. That sounds pretty extreme to me.
Yellow Journalism much? While I know some of these things do happen, its not the norm. I know that Jenkem crap is probably bullshit. Just Googling it will tell you that. Most of these things on here are stupid shit that people heard of somebody else doing, usually while drunk, and they decide to try it. I’ve heard the booze up the ass for a while now, but after four years of high school, and combined six years at college, I’ve never actually heard of anybody I know doing it.
The problem is, one person does some dumb crap, it gets online (thanks to the world we live in now) a few other morons try it, and all of a sudden, Fox News has an alert about it.
Seriously? You’re going to compare getting minor plastic surgery (elf ears) with jumping off buildings and pouring alcohol into your anus? You just invalidated your entire argument with that one. Thanks for wasting my time.
The abundance of so much stupid shit in bulk was overwhelming to my young senses
Most of this is tabloid bullshit
you missed the best one!!!
PARACHUTING! the one we sneak into you parent’s medicine cabniets take all the good pills crush em all together, roll them into a single ply of a two ply piece of toilet paper and swallow the whole lot.
the key here though is that we need YOUR pills.